There is no time for pain.
Sometimes a question or statement that comes from the heart can instantly bring them back to the most difficult memory.
We have prepared information for you on the sensitive way to reach out to someone from the bereaved family and support them
Dear citizens,
The period before Memorial Day is a complex time for bereaved families and they can react in different ways to social gatherings.
These days are sensitive days and sometimes constitute triggers for the memories of their loved ones, clinging to memories of the past alongside trauma and loss. It is difficult to predict their reactions and they themselves have difficulty controlling the various emotions that arise and surface.
It is important that we be attentive to the situation in which the family member is and learn to recognize that if he is withdrawn and withdrawn, it is worth conveying a message such as:
- "I am here for you"
- "I am thinking of you especially these days"
- "If it is appropriate for you to share, I am here to listen"
- "How can I help?"
Even if you received a short and to the point response, it is important to know that in most cases your contact was strengthening and supportive. It is important that such a response does not prevent you from contacting them again in the future.
On the other hand, there will be family members who will want to talk about their loved ones or hear stories from friends and acquaintances. It is important for them to feel in this way that their loved ones have not been forgotten and through the stories they immortalize their image. Such a conversation can be active and interested in details, you can ask questions about the deceased loved one, but pay attention and do not ask intrusive questions. For those people who share their pain and their coping, you can ask them what helps them and do not offer suggestions for what could help them.
What should we not say?
- "Be strong", or "Life is strong"
- "We need to move on, there are more children"
- "I understand what you feel"
- "At least he had time to get married and have a child"
- Do not deliberately avoid meeting, for example on the street or in the supermarket, behave naturally while maintaining sensitivity.
If you are not sure whether to say something that may not be appropriate – it is better not to say anything.
What should we say?
- Instead of "life is strong" we can say "may you find the strength to cope" or offer help that you can indeed cope with.
- Instead of "we need to move on" or "there are more children" we can wish for happy and joyful moments with the family.
- Instead of asking intrusive questions or offering treatment to cope with the pain, ask what does do good and how we can help.
- Instead of "don't cry" we can offer a tissue, a glass of water but don't be afraid of crying, it usually releases pain.
- Give attention not out of pity or danger but out of a real presence for them.
- You can suggest ideas for positive, joyful and strengthening activities.
You don't have to feel the need to fill the void, you can be a quiet presence.
When people feel that you are with them in their time of pain, sometimes you don't have to struggle to find words that will comfort.